


Or are you just happy to see me?

by AstriferousSprite



Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016), Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Original Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Bad Flirting, Crack, Flirting, Homme Fatale, M/M, Other, but first Diego Luna ffs, disguises, i need to be kinkshamed so badly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-22
Updated: 2016-12-22
Packaged: 2018-09-11 01:37:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 971
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8948041
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AstriferousSprite/pseuds/AstriferousSprite
Summary: Even after the Death Star is gone, there are a great many other missions left to run, such as the rescue of a trusted Rebel pilot. A certain Captain more than happily obliges.





	

**Author's Note:**

> [It's all Diego Luna's fault tbh](https://twitter.com/tolkienianjedi/status/810990656659353600?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw)  
>  anyways enjoy this festering piece of trash you nasties

“With all due respect, Captain Andor, _no._ ”

Cassian pouted as Leia slowly shook her head. “What do you mean, no? It’s a perfect plan. You go in, release Solo, and I keep Jabba distracted until—”

She cut him off. “What I mean, Captain, is that I suspect your distraction may be tied to … certain _ulterior_ motives.”

He tried to look innocent. “You’re kidding.”

She wasn’t kidding. Earlier that week, Red Squadron had unveiled a crate of old Corellian brandy, and … well, maybe Cassian had a few too many drinks. In summary, the night had ended with him in an oversized jacket and no pants, loudly declaring his intent to touch the crime lord. “He probably has a nice texture,” he’d slurred, taking another shot of brandy. “Like smooth, I think.”

Long story short, the entire X-wing fleet knew about his questionable tastes, and Bodhi wasn’t speaking to him.

“But _come on!_ ” he said, waving his hands. “This has nothing to do with—well, _me,_ I just want to help this mission go smoothly! It’s hard to rescue someone when the kidnapper knows you’re there—”

“Alright, _alright,_ ” she said, holding her finger up. “You’ve made your case, Captain.”

“Great.” He smiled. “So, when do we leave?”

The plan seemed to have a chance.

Cassian spent the next two weeks in disguise as Johán Arthat, a loyal attendant to Jabba. He’d kept an eye on the Hutt alongside Lando, pledging false support and sucking up to his every word while awaiting the arrival of their allies.

In preparing for the role, though, he had to blend in. He grew out his hair. He switched out his regular clothes for more pompous ones.

_He shaved his moustache off._

(Bodhi had been extremely disappointed when Cassian showed back up to their shared quarters completely clean-shaven. He’d grumbled that “now you’ve lost some of your charm.” Cassian had just rolled his eyes and kissed his boyfriend’s forehead before leaving.)

Anyways, things were going alright when the “bounty hunter” showed up with a Wookiee and a threat, until Jabba’s Twi’lek dancer began resisting his (rather nasty) advances. Hell, the Hutt was almost about to drop her down into the Rancor pit when Cassian held a hand against his chest.

“My Lord, maybe you should reconsider,” he said, glancing over to where the Hutt was glowering. “Good dancers are quite hard to come by.”

“ _If you insist, my boy,_ ” he growled, as Oola (that _was_ her name, right?) cowered behind her chain. “ _Stand back, girl. This evening is over._ ”

 

That night, Cassian heard the “bounty hunter” slowly get up and walk towards the slab of carbonite holding Han Solo in place. Grinning to himself, he whispered to himself to stay calm. _The guy’s a creepy sexist monster, don’t get too excited. Also, don’t get too excited, you nasty._

He approached Jabba slowly.

“Rough night, huh?” he whispered, leaning in. Next to him, the Hutt stirred.

“ _Perhaps._ ”

Cassian smiled, stroking the crime lord’s body. It was ridiculously smooth and slimy, yet somehow … _intriguing_. “Would you like me to fix that for you?”

“ _If you insist,_ ” he grumbled, letting his attendant continue with whatever the hell he was doing.

“Shall we get on with it?” he murmured against what he hoped was Jabba’s ear. Distantly, he heard the beeps as Leia broke Han out. Shit, he had to keep talking. “I promise I’ll make it worth your while.”

Jabba hummed in approval, thankfully unaware of the rescue mission going on. “ _Prove it, my boy._ ”

“I will, my Lord.” Continuing to stroke the Hutt’s slimy body, he swung a leg over his tail. “That’s a promise.”

“ _Is that a blaster in your pocket, or are you merely happy to see me?_ ” replied Jabba, evidently noticing the bulge in Cassian’s pants.

“Mm, well…” Cassian smiled, reaching into his pants. “Well, it…it’s actually a blaster.”

And then he shot Jabba through the head.

Jabba groaned, then lurched forward onto the floor with a _flump,_ his long tongue flopping out of his mouth. Satisfied, Cassian hopped off the Hutt’s back, and approached the dancer, who was currently cowering behind one of the urns.

“Oola, right?” he said, cocking his blaster. She ducked her head. “Hey, relax, I’m gonna free you.” With that, he grabbed the chain binding her, and shot it as close as he safely could.

“What are you going to do with me?” she whispered timidly, looking up at him with a worried expression. A lump rose in his throat. _Shit, what kind of hell did this girl go through?_

“I’m going to take you back with us to the Rebellion,” he said, grabbing a shapeless brown robe off the floor, “and then you can decide what _you_ want to do from there.” He threw it at her. “You’re a free woman now.”

“I’m free…” she repeated, slipping into the robe. “I’m free.”

And then, she smiled at him.

Cassian smiled back, extending his hand to her. “I’m Cassian Andor.”

“Oola Yiera,” she said, taking it and letting him hoist her up.

“I hate to interrupt, but—”

Cassian turned his head, to see a helmetless Leia march in, dragging Han behind her. “Captain, what’s going on?”

“Ah.” Wincing, Cassian looked back at Oola. “Erm, turns out we’re rescuing someone else tonight.”

 

Oola ended up staying with the Rebellion, serving as a dedicated soldier in their later skirmish on Endor. A few years later, Cassian had the pleasure of attending her first freely-given concert, with Bodhi at his side.

“Isn’t she fantastic?” he said excitedly, as Oola twirled onstage, her skirt fluttering.

“I reckon,” said Bodhi, leaning over to kiss him on the cheek. “Oh, thank the Force, you grew that stupid moustache back.”

“Can’t believe you were so attached to it,” he whispered, capturing his boyfriend’s lips in a proper smooch.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm so fucking sorry  
> also hmu at [@lesbiangffa](http://lesbiangffa.tumblr.com) if you want to like publicly shame me


End file.
